Living a lie or truth?

I never thought i would blog again, but today i just felt the need to do so.
I don't know if this is going to be uber long cause i really have some issues that i just want to pen down. Haish.
So anyways, i've gone through a so far, a terrible and hurtful break up.
Yes, it was painful that i have made a vow to never, ever date an ITE guy ever again.
It's that bad.
Cause its so common yknow and i can never shove the fact that i have been holding on about these typical guys.
Firstly, they are jerks who never back off even though they know they did the most gravest mistake.
Secondly, their ego overights everything to the extend that they are the ones in the right EVERY single time.
Thirdly, basically, you can never have a proper conversation with content when you talk to them due to the difference in intellectual level.
It's not like i'm saying, they are stupid but rather a polite way?
But whatever, that was what i really had to tahan.
Forthly, maturity. I don't plan my future based only on my wants. I think what is there in life that i CAN achieve and not something that would fall from the sky. People say, maybe give 2 to 3 years for them to mature, but do i have that time to waste?

THE DIFFERENCES.
I know, differences makes us persons or individuals that will appreciate others better, but why live with differences that just eats your hearts out every single day.
I CHOSE to leave it and live my life.
So here i am in this path again.
I know i'm always saying i'm serik but eventually i find myself caught up in another courtship, but trust me, this time round i am really serik and the pain i felt has left me a damn, bloody, ugly scar that will take, perhaps years to heal.
I feel so unlucky to keep getting guys who say they appreciate me but do the otherwise.
Sometimes, i ask myself.
What is it that i lack in me?
But after many times asking, i found my answer.
I HAVE NOTHING WRONG IN ME.
It's just that i've got the wrong guys that can never be pleased with what they have already.
They took me for granted.
I'm nice and i know it.
But what can i do.
I believe in giving chances but yet, these chances i gave, are the ones thats backfiring back at me. So it has to have a FULLSTOP.
I had never, ever met a guy who showed me so much affection but when being triggered in the ego, everything went ugly.
Those things he ever said, suddenly contradicts his actions and it's like a flashback to every moment from the beginning that was all uber sweet.
Merely words of attraction.
I've went through enough and till today i cannot bring myself to accept the fact that the man i used to believe was different from the rest, turns out to be worst than i thought.
Never was i being hurled a bitch and other vulgarities, hence, me in this state when he hurled me those heartbreaking words.
Yarh, it was out of anger.
But still, don't you think before you speak?
I was angry too, but i never once said any foul things to you except jerk(if thats even a darn harsh word, cause every guy is, anyways).
Nevermind that, i was even blamed when what i did was trying to prove something to him.

I know i'm ranting about something that is long over(1 month already, i think), but it keeps torturing my mind when i think of it.
Trying to be nice and feeling all happy that we're 'going' to be friends again does not apply to my life.
What's over is over to me.
No such thing as even being friends. Haish.
I feel that i made the wrong move in accepting after forgiving.
True enough, forgiving is a humble thing to do, but forgetting and accepting again in my life is damn hard.
I maybe perfect for you but sorry to say, you weren't, so having enough of all the thinking, no ties of friendship even cause that would make a gap for a second chance.
Cause it breaks me to very tiny pieces whenever i see you and to know what you are exactly.
I believed you regretted but only a guy who can be called a man would tell the world that ashamed me, that he was in the wrong and not shove the topic saying its already the past when being asked...
That's all i have to say.
I have my ego too and once its sparked, your vulgarities won't hurt cause i know thats just a sign of weakness from you to bring me down.