Feels like...

I'm typing again into this place which seems so dusty and full of shattered glasses. It's painful to walk into this space, pricking myself all over again. So much memories, so much that happened. I wish i'm one who is productive in writing and updating this blogger when i'm happy, but turned out, 'this' is the ranting hut. Full of haystacks and bullshits.

It's hard squinting my eyes in darkness and typing away with a runny nose. Not that i'm sick tho'. But whatever.

I don't know why i'm here again. I've forgo this part of my routine, forgo this part of me, just threw it all away. Took only an ounce, perhaps more to actually come crawling back here. Okay, i think i'm spitting nonsense here. Beating around caves and trees and bushes and whatevernots that you can beat about lah.

But main thing, you all know i write when my heart is heavy, just like the clouds, darkening when it's containing water. Perfect metaphor for what i feel.

I can't describe how blessed and happy i am when i feel appreciated. Those 8 long months together. Maybe i'm too fantasizing wanting every moment to feel like the first. It changes, and i shan't expect more.

My mind is like a box with many little boxes in it. Imagine to open a box to find another smaller box in it everyime like there's no ending. Exactly how my mind works. I can hide the deepest thought i have cause i'm just that unpredictable.

I question myself and tries to assure myself. Being in denial just so i wouldn't think bad about him. Assuring myself with things that my mind tells me to make up, and hope everything turns out fine. I hope i'm doing enough to stay put and continue feeling this overwhelming love i have for him cause i know, no matter how much my mind tells me he's not the perfect one for me, my heart says the opposite.

And sometimes, unknowingly, the one closest to your heart, hurts you alot. And that's only because you care so much about them, that little things pricks you.

I don't know if i should say it's a prick now, but i can surely put it is severe pain that just can't be seen but felt.

For so many times i cry for caring too much, for so many times i get hurt for loving too much, it makes me stronger and patient to forget and go on.

Am i the only girl that cries a lot for someone she loves cause at times it hurts?

The saying about 'a man wouldn't make the one he loves tear, cause if he loves her, he wouldn't make her cry,' just don't exists.